


Hearts aren't supposed to hurt like that

by HopeSilverheart



Series: Dark Magnus [2]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types
Genre: (It doesn't happen but it's mentioned), Alec Lightwood Loves Magnus Bane, Angst, Dark Magnus Bane, I blame this whole series on Amelia, Introspection, M/M, Magnus Bane Loves Alec Lightwood, Magnus Bane-centric, Major Character Injury, Open Ending, Possible Character Death, Self-Sacrificing Alec Lightwood, but it's complicated
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-26
Updated: 2020-05-26
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:48:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24391564
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HopeSilverheart/pseuds/HopeSilverheart
Summary: This isn’t his fault.Except his Alexander is bleeding out in front of him, hazel eyes unseeing. His Alexander is right there, looking at him with a smile curling at his lips and a litany of apologies spilling out of his mouth. His Alexander is there, apologising for leaving him so soon.As if Magnus will ever let him leave.
Relationships: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Series: Dark Magnus [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1761268
Comments: 10
Kudos: 163
Collections: Fluff vs. Angst Battle 2020





	Hearts aren't supposed to hurt like that

**Author's Note:**

> title is from Jessie Ware's 'Hearts'

It’s Magnus’ fault.

Oh, he tries to tell himself it isn’t. He tries to convince himself he did everything he could to keep Alec away from the more dangerous aspects of his life, but he’s grasping for straws and he knows it.

He’s never thought of himself as a good man. He’s got power and isn’t afraid to use it. He crushes dreams and lives without batting an eyelash and revels in the glory they bring him. He doesn’t care for others, not in the way they care for him, and it makes him stronger than all of them combined.

He can’t remember if he was always like this. He can’t remember if he had been as cruel and unkind before his time in Edom, with his father, but he doesn’t care. He’s the most powerful warlock in the world and everyone knows it. Let them be afraid, let them talk behind his back, let them whisper about his exploits and let them reap the consequences.

He’s dealt with Nephilim for as long as he’s lived. He’s killed some who tried to hurt him and his people, has helped some who provided him with their services, and has accepted more than a fair share as clients. He’s murdered demons and downworlders alike for them, and even the occasional shadowhunter.

He never cared about them. Never let himself look at them as anything other than nuisances who share his domain. Alexander was the exception, not the rule. His dark and broody shadowhunter captured his attention as soon as Magnus first saw him, and the warlock hasn’t been able to look away since.

Alexander is everything Magnus isn’t. He’s kind and innocent and loving, and Magnus shouldn’t have corrupted him with his wicked ways, but it had been too tempting. Watching Alexander fall in love with him made Magnus feel more alive than he had in centuries, and he refused to give up on it.

It might have made him a terrible person, but he had never claimed to be anything other than that. Magnus destroys everything he touches, even the people who care for him, but he promised himself he would protect Alexander.

He allowed himself a single weakness. A single person to care for, to spoil and pamper and give the world to. A single man who loves Magnus despite all his flaws and would follow him to Edom if asked. It’s his one guilty pleasure. The one thing Magnus should have rejected but didn’t.

Caring for Alexander is intoxicating, and Magnus knows it will be his downfall. He keeps on going anyways. He deals with his clients and makes deals with shady demons. He accepts offers from all species without discriminating, because money is money and death is death. Magnus cares very little for the semantics; it’s the result that matters.

It’s why he accepts the very tempting offer from a French shadowhunter who just wants to be reunited with his sister. Magnus’ job is to capture the Nephilim and bring her to his client, after which he will be very handsomely paid. The job is so simple Magnus laughed in the shadowhunter’s face when he asked if it could be done.

For a moment, he forgets about Alexander. Even though he had promised the man not to mix their professional and personal lives, he forgets about the man and breaks their unspoken rule.

He shows up in front of the New York Institute unannounced, looking for his target, and doesn’t even consider Alexander’s role there. He knows his shadowhunter is the Head of the Institute, he  _ does _ , but for a second, he forgets. He’s working and he forgets about his lover.

He forgets about him as he reaches his target and disarms her partner. The blond shadowhunter seems familiar, but Magnus doesn’t make it a habit of remembering everyone he meets, so he shrugs it off. He grabs the redhead instead, starts dragging her away from the Institute.

There’s movement behind him and Magnus flings his magic outward without thinking. He never thinks, in moments like these. It’s his greatest strength, being able to turn his mind off and focus on a single thing. All that matters is the girl who is looking at him like she knows him but doesn’t recognise him.

It’s the way everyone looks when they realise who he really is.  _ What _ he really is. A mindless killer, one that everyone fears.

(Everyone except Alexander).

That’s when it happens. He knows the shadowhunters behind him are struggling, but he doesn’t believe they’ll manage to stop him. He underestimates them, and he knows he won’t be able to stop the blond Nephilim who is only seconds away from him. All he can do is hope the wound will heal.

He waits for the pain that comes with seraph blade injuries, but it never comes. He knows he hadn’t dreamed the blond shadowhunter, but the pain never comes and Magnus starts to wonder if he had hallucinated the whole thing. Perhaps he can still get away from the scene with both he and his target unharmed.

He turns around to make sure no one is following him, and his heart stops beating. He hadn’t even known his heart still worked until that moment. Because the blond shadowhunter is there, kneeling on the ground, his discarded seraph blade dripping with blood. But it’s not Magnus’ blood, because Magnus never felt the pain.

He should have known his luck would run out.

In an instant, his mind turns back on and reminds him of the person he had sworn to protect, the person he had forgotten about in his hurry to get the job done.

Alexander. His Alexander, his angel, the only man he’s ever cared about. His Alexander, lying in a pool of his own blood.

It doesn’t take a genius to understand what happened. He drops the redhead to the ground and pushes all the shadowhunters away with a wave of pure magic. He doesn’t want them anywhere near his Alexander. Not when they’re the ones whose blades pierced through his skin. Not when they’re the ones who let him jump in front of Magnus.

It’s their fault. It’s all their fault.

It can’t be Magnus’. Magnus would do anything for his Alexander. If he had known the man was there, he would have pushed him out of the way. He would have protected him. He always does.

This isn’t his fault.

Except his Alexander is bleeding out in front of him, hazel eyes unseeing. His Alexander is right there, looking at him with a smile curling at his lips and a litany of apologies spilling out of his mouth. His Alexander is there, apologising for leaving him so soon.

As if Magnus will ever let him leave.

There’s blood on his clothes now, Alexander’s blood. His angel’s eyes are blurry with tears of pain, but he’s still smiling at Magnus, and the warlock would do anything to save him. Anything.

Because somewhere along the way, his Alexander had somehow managed to break down the walls he had built around his heart. And Magnus Bane, the most powerful man in the world, the cold warlock who kills without a second thought, knows he would rather die than live without his Alexander.

He had allowed himself a single weakness, and now that weakness is in front of him, suffering and dying because Magnus forgot to protect the one thing he cares about.

Alexander’s eyes flutter shut, and the last thing his angel says sounds like a prayer, a confession of love, and a goodbye all in one. Something in Magnus crumbles.

The last defences around his heart shatter to pieces, and Magnus feels a tear roll down his cheek. He’s been lying to himself for so long, the words sound rough and wrong when he lets them leave his heart. He forces them out anyways, because his angel deserves to know.

Magnus Bane is a murderer, a liar, a manipulative, cold-blooded killer. But Magnus Bane would do anything for his Alexander.

“I have been in love with no one, and never shall,” he whispers against Alexander’s chest, “unless it shall be with you.”

His angel’s heart stutters, and Magnus feels his own beat in tandem.

“Darling, darling,” he murmurs, wanting to see Alexander’s eyes one last time. If his angel dies tonight, Magnus wants those hazel orbs to stare at him adoringly one last time.

His wish isn’t granted, but Magnus knows his Alexander is still there. His Alexander is there, dying for him.

“I live in you, angel, and you would die for me. For that, I love you so.”

Hazel eyes blink open slowly and painfully, a single drop of blood falling out of them. Even as he bleeds out in front of Magnus, even as he suffers for him, Alexander’s eyes look at him unflinchingly and lovingly. Always lovingly.

Magnus Bane is the most powerful man in the world, but when it comes to his angel, he is utterly, completely weak.

“I love you, Alexander.”

**Author's Note:**

> Heya guys! Thank you so much for reading! And thank you to [AceOnIce](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AceOnIce/pseuds/AceOnIce) for beta'ing this for me! I've been planning this little follow-up ever since I wrote the first part of this series (which you should go read if you haven't already, it's not necessarily linked to these events but it's in the same universe and explains Alec's POV). This one is inspired by another Carmilla quote, which is once again what Magnus says at the end. I know the ending isn't exactly happy, but there's still 1 or 2 fics to go, so the boys might still get their happy ever after (; 
> 
> Love, Julie.
> 
> (find me on tumblr @hopesilverheart)


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